Preheat oven to 400°F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Place cauliflower in a large microwave safe bowl with ¼ inch of water in the bowl. Cover with a plate or plastic wrap and microwave for about 5-10 minutes until fork tender.
In a food processor, mix portions of cauliflower 10-20 seconds until finely chopped like rice. Repeat until all cauliflower is processed.
Add chopped cauliflower to a tea towel or cheese cloth and squeeze out as much water as possible.
To your original microwave bowl (no need to wash), add drained cauliflower, and remaining ingredients, except cooking spray.
Scoop up 1-2 tablespoon sized portions, use your hands to form into a tot-shape, and place on the prepared baking sheet about an inch apart. Repeat with all cauliflower mixture.
Spray tots with cooking spray and bake 20 minutes until golden. Flip and cook another 10-15 minutes until golden all over.
Remove from oven, sprinkle with flakey salt, chopped parsley, and more chopped Gimme Seaweed. Serve with your choice of dipping sauce, we love them with ketchup!
